he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
