So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
