Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
