NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
