he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
