She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
