got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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