It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
