Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
