There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
