you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
