Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You pole danced in your parka.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
