areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
