I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you had me at cake vodka
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
