Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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