I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize