does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
