so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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