I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
