I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Are my feet made of real feet?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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