I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
