My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
