would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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