What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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