worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
