you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
