In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just blew my weed a kiss
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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