what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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