i just had sex bonerless
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
