i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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