it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
