dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
