he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
