i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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