There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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