The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize