there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize