So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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