i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
