New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
