just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she told me i tasted like america
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
