That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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