im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
