yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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