I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
