then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
