Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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