She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize