Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
