I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
