do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
