he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
