dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
