So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
