When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I can text with my tongue
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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