apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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