i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
