Sacagawea was the original milf.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
