oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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