A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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