Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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