I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
