Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
