So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
