i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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