i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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