since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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