love makes seman taste better
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My penis needs a shock collar
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
