Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
