Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
