This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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