he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
