My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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