Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
