go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
