so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
