I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
