These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
