This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
