I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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