Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize