Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In other news, I just burned my penis
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
