cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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