Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
