I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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