oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
