the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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