I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
