I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
