we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
