took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize