Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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