I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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