Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
