i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
