You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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