these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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