I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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