the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
