I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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