Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
