dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
