girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
