people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
