Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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