so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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