Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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