my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
